In February of 1968 he fought in the battle of Hue during the Tet offensive. He was in non-stop firefights for three weeks. He said half his platoon were killed or wounded. He told me about the time he held onto a fellow soldier, while he bled to death from a sniper round through the throat.
After the Tet Offensive his tour was up, but for some stupid reason (probably a few thousand dollars) he did a second tour. In April of 1968 he went back “up country” with the 1st Cav. This time he fought in the A Shau Valley. (This was referred to at the “Valley of Death". The fighting was as bad as any combat in history). He once talked of the time that he spent a night in a bomb crater with two dead comrades while the Viet Cong were shooting AK47s with green tracers over his head. He also talked about killing his enemy in hand-to-hand combat. His buddies did the same. For some reason, Eddie walked away from it.
But he was a broken man. He has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He has never been able to function properly. He is afraid of everything. On the Fourth of July he has to be sedated. He’s terrified by the noise of the fireworks.
The Army never questioned that he was damaged goods, and that it was his time in battle that was responsible. They gave him antidepressants; after a while he got a half disability pension. Life was just a struggle. Eight years ago I banged on a bunch of doors and helped him get a full disability pension. He’s okay these days, sort of.
The wars we fight today are no different than those of 1968, or any other war. Almost one in four (21%) of our soldiers are coming home with PTSD.
The CBO attempts to come up with a price on this. By its calculation, it costs an average of $10,000 per year for each soldier with PTSD. Given that 2.3mm troops have cycled through our wars the past ten years we can expect a bill for at least $5 billion a year for just those with PTSD. For how long? The CBO reports that 80+% of those with PTSD were still in need of treatment after four years. For Eddie, it’s been forty plus years now.
Of course the CBO numbers don’t measure the real cost. What is the cost of a busted life? You can’t put a number on it.
We have some very big debts to pay to the soldiers that have come home recently. (Don’t blame them for wars – they just fight them.) I’m concerned that we will renege on those promises. I think the CBO is too, that’s probably why it wrote the report.
I’m writing about this because the CBO report reminded me of Eddie. And that got me to thinking how fucking stupid these wars have been.
Note: PTSD is just a fraction of the total costs of taking care of our Vets.
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ReplyDeleteDear Mr. Krasting: I have no doubt that Eddie's troubles are real. But, your story has some serious problems. No one who served in Viet-Nam "joined the military"; we were either in the Army, the Marines, the Air Force, the Navy or the Coast Guard. Your description of the fighting in Au Shaw Valley being "as bad as any combat in history" is pure hyperbole. Operation Dewey Canyon was bad; but there were far, far worse battles in terms of KIA as a percentage of the numbers of men involved. (For DC it was 6%.) No one denies that soldier's heart is real; what many of us have come to detest is that the civilian world seems to celebrate precisely those people who have used their war experiences as an all-purpose excuse to quit the struggle to live a good and honorable life back here in the world. The money spent on PTSD goes to the "helpers" whose help is functionally worthless; if you want to solve the budget problem that war involves, fire everyone who works for the VA and give the Eddies of this world 10% of the money now spent on all that "treatment". The Eddies will be much better off, and you can stop worrying about how awful war is. Viet-Nam was awful for only 2 reasons: (1) the draft and (2) the United States abandoned its ally. Those of us who enlisted and re-enlisted had our reasons. You just don't know enough to understand them.
ReplyDeleteClearly you're a Vet, and therefore more entitled than I to talk of these things.
DeleteI'm 62 and avoided the war because of the lottery in 70'. Just lucky. (I would have gone)
This has sort of haunted me, as I knew friends who died there. My not me?
I've read about the many battles in that war. I know that there was never any easy fighting. It was my impression that the fighting around Quan Tre City and Hue in February of 68 was pretty bad. From what I've read about the fighting in the Valley of Death was no picnic either. Wasn't this the site of Hamburger Hill in 1969?
If I added hyperbole that offended you, I apologize. I did not think it was possible to over-dramatize what went down.
You're right that I can never understand the reasons you fought, and how you felt about it. No one who has not walked in your shoes can.
Thanks for writing.
Bruce Krasting
Readers:
ReplyDeleteThere was a problem with an earlier version of this post. Something called "vaporware" made it impossible to RSS feed to other websites.
It was not possible to fix. This is a corrected version.
There were 4 comments on the original that were deleted in the process and I apologize for that.
bk
You don't need to understand me, Bruce; but you do need to understand that PTSD is a political diagnosis. It is used to justify the continuation of what is an inferior medical system - the VA - just as bad inner city test scores are used to justify the socialized education provided by the teachers unions. As a group we veterans have more successful marriages, higher incomes and lower self-abuse problems that the general population; but that statistic doesn't get the helping bureaucracy funding so it gets permanently buried. You should never, ever apologize for "missing the draft". Fuck 'em. Conscription is pure evil; it is slavery dressed up in patriotic clothing, and it always rewards the people who talk the loudest while staying safely behind the lines. You have nothing to be sorry for. Valley of Death is not by itself searchable; every war has literally dozens of such places because Tennyson has infected the language. Hamburger Hills are almost as common so if you want to know more about Eddie's actual experiences you will have to ask him what his unit was - battalion, company, squad. After 3 decades of being panhandled in S.F. I can tell you that the question is infallible. The guys who were there will tell you straight up; and they always get a twenty dollar bill from me and a thank you. The guys who weren't will never, ever get the details right or will simply start swearing about how ungrateful we "civilians" are. You need to ask Eddie what his unit was if you want to find out what he went through or didn't. If it turns out to be more lie than truth, it makes no difference. He isn't asking for a medal, just some kindness; and we all deserve that. P.S. What you should know about Hue is that the ARVN had twice as many of their soldiers die as U.S. forces did. That is another fact that gets conveniently forgotten; our ally fought harder and longer than we did. That should always be a precondition for any American war; the ones worth fighting have always had somebody already there on the ground fighting and dying before a single American has arrived.
ReplyDeleteBless you for writing about this. When people say "War is hell," that means it's hell in a very personal way, every day, for many more people out there than most know about. And PTSD is brain damage, and in many cases, it's lifelong.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good topic.
ReplyDeleteIn a nutshell, it describes our modern world.
So many unnecessary do-gooders, administrators and bureaucrats, who talk a good job, but in, reality take away money from the needy and hungry.
God bless you, Bruce.
Spot on. I'm very concerned about how quick many Americans are to pull the trigger on war. There is nothing good or glamorous about war, necessary sometimes, but not good. Lottery #216.
ReplyDeleteA wise therapist I know told me that the old saying, "That which does not kill me, makes me stronger" is often incorrect. In the 1990s she was treating someone who was still traumatized by events in WW2. Moreover, she said, the symptoms actually tended to get _worse_ with time. Would be nice to have a President who had gone through something of that nature. I think the last one was Eisenhower. (Bush2 doesn't count.)
ReplyDeleteAmen.
ReplyDeleteEisenhower had great moral courage; he is the only man who was able to stand up to both Patton and Marshall. But, he was not a combat veteran; neither, for that matter was Marshall, who was a staff officer in WW I. Truman was in the Army in WW I but never went overseas. To find a President who actually got shot at and learned how to duck, you have to go back to Roosevelt #1.
ReplyDeleteMy direct experience of half a century is that civilians, including therapists, are easily gulled about "trauma" if you wrap it in a war story. They never ask the basic questions - where were you, who were the other people in your unit, where are they now? I doubt Charles will be able to "examine" Eddie about his service record to find out what units he was in. (It would be "insensitive".) Without those facts everything is hearsay; and all the rewards for the Eddies of the world come from talking about "the horror". Eddie's stories may be true; but they have - for this veteran - a little too much in common with the story line and locations of Full Metal Jacket to be accepted at face value without further examination.
Think as you will. But I'm pushing against you.
DeleteThe truth is I didn't "beat on some doors" to help Eddie. I twisted some arms.
I was involved with politics. I was a fund raiser. Look me up. One of those was John Hall, (ex Congressman from NY#19- Look that up)
I had a fund raiser at my home for John Hall. I funded it all. (look it up!)
Why did I do that? So I could introduce Eddie to Hall. Hall understood in advance that this was my quid pro quo for setting up the fundraiser.
While he was in office Hall was on the committee for Vietnam vets and he was involved with the VA. He and his staff helped many Viet era vets get full benefits. (Look it up - Hall was a "good guy").
At that party John Hall got a 4 inch file on Eddie. His whole military history. All of his VA medical records. I looked at it.
Hall and his staff took the file, reviewed it on the facts and documentation. There was no doubt that Eddie needed and deserved a full disability (he could no longer work). There was no doubt about what combat he saw.
I saw to it that Eddie and Hall met one-on-one so that Hall could understand my concerns. They spent 15 minutes together. That one-on-one made a difference. A few months later Eddie got the full disability.
So we understand, the only one who benefited in this story was Eddie, exactly as it should be.
If you want to keep barking about this, I'm asking you to take it in a different direction. Contact Congressman John Hall.
Maybe he can convince you. It's clear I can't.
Chill, Bruce; all I asked for was his unit so I could try to find some of his comrades. I didn't complain about your helping the man; I made it clear that he deserved whatever help you could get him. What I also tried to make clear is that "war stories" can easily be fictions. That matters because, if Eddie's stories are a substitution of movies for what actually what happened to him, those lies would be a large part of what went wrong with his life. Things have gone that way for many, many vets; and the VA often does more harm than good by accepting the lies at face value. At the core of soldier's heart is shame - shame at one's own weaknesses, shame at one's failures. That can be horribly compounded if the person adds the shame of having to repeat what he knows are not the truth. I am sorry if I ragged you too much about your "sensitivity" but you are guilty of it. Otherwise, you wouldn't have reacted with such self-righteousness. Instead, you would have looked at a copy of his DD-214 and sent me the info and demanded that I get off my self-righteous ass and try to put the guy in touch with some of his comrades. And, I would have been (and still am) happy to oblige. Good for you that you got him full disability; he obviously needs it. Send me the unit info. I'll do what I can. In the meantime, try to climb down of that high horse. You are not the only person in the world who has helped somebody get VA benefits; some of us out here are repeat offenders. All the best.
DeleteBruce,
ReplyDeleteNo one goes into a combat situation and comes back the same. You tried to help a damaged veteran. Good work.
Lottery #85.
I hesitated for half-a-day to jump in on this because what do I know about the ravages of war? Zip, is the answer.
ReplyDeleteBut, the point of a blog is to put forth food for thought and comment. And so you have done, Bruce.
I'll confine my comments to the PTSD part. @LetUsHavePeace defined it as a political diagnosis and he may be largely correct as it relates to long-term, non-physical issues with vets. I couldn't tell whether or not he believes it literally exists at all, however.
I endured an experience in Summer 2010 that involved immense physical suffering, ultimately death and dishonest/malicious health care personnel. I was the responsible party for all of the decisions related to this and watched it all firsthand. I can assure you most people in my life would describe me as a pretty tough cookie. But, this completely trashed me; the guilt was horrible. I was a walking trainwreck for months. There is NO doubt that I was suffering PTSD.
The 'active' part of these events lasted about 10-12 days. Unfortunately, other negative aspects of it continued for one year. Some friendships were lost, family was almost no help....so add that to the psychological trauma. It was virtually impossible to adequately heal while this stuff was ongoing. But, then it did mostly finish.
AND THEN YOU MAKE A CHOICE: I am going to wear this like a shirt OR I'm going to take this shirt off, put it in the attic (you can try throwing it away but it won't work, it's part of you) and move forward. I chose to let myself suffer as much as I needed to, learn as much as I could from it and then put it in perspective within my life as a whole. And you have to forgive yourself for whatever parts of it you could have handled differently.
There are horrors dropped on people every minute of every day all over the world. The suffering they feel should not be made light of. But they owe it to themselves to learn as much as they can from it and then decide to move forward because their life is worth it.
This is not a prescription for Eddie, per se, and I'm not preaching. I'm just saying.
Of course, I believe "soldier's heart" exists; I have mentioned it in every post. I reject PTSD because it is a political diagnosis that rewards the helpers and does nothing for the sufferers. What every veteran needs is what Atlanta did for himself; the cure begins with looking in the mirror and accepting what you see. Bruce is never going to come clean about Eddie because the possibility that Eddie is both a deserving soul and largely a fantasist about his actual war experiences is a paradox that Bruce and the other people who listed their draft numbers simply can't understand. Combat breaks everyone except the people who love it; that is why so many of the genuinely heroic soldiers are the people whom the peacetime military relegates to KP duty and the guard house. What Eddie needed most of all was a sit-down with the other members of his unit. That might have been "painful" because Eddie may have been the unit fuck-up; no matter - it would have allowed him to go on with his life, with the truth, not a comforting set of excuses.
ReplyDeleteSoldier on, Atlanta. And God bless.
One last thing. The 1st Cav has an outstanding association. They are there for Eddie and anyone else who was ever one of theirs.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.1cda.org/
The same folks who brought us Vietnam, brought us Iraq.............!
ReplyDeletePeace-man: thanks for the comments. Wouldn't have necessarily discerned that the term "soldier's heart" might hover in the same realm as PTSD. Go figure but, okay.
ReplyDeleteGiven the story I told I'll say that your recommendation to BK to try to get Eddie hooked up with people who are familiar with his history/experiences seems spot-on. That would have helped me ALOT. Knowing that some others understand is key. Otherwise, it feels like you're sailing the entire Atlantic in mighty rough seas....by yourself!
Few random comments:
--- I can imagine that some of those who were able to avoid the draft feel some guilt.
(esp. after how the whole ugly thing turned out)
--- Indeed, always worth remembering how guys do love their "fish stories".
--- Helping someone heal, move on and become self-reliant is one of the greatest gifts ever......and is where dignity resides.
--- I'm a chick, Peace-man. No prob, I can soldier on too. (Can't believe you thought a guy wrote that post above ....wink.)
As Janet Guthrie once said, "I drive the car; I don't carry it." The idea that women and homosexuals are somehow not up to soldiering on is ridiculous. The important distinction is the simple one: is someone willing to volunteer to risk dying and maiming. It is a pure binary question; and there is no shame in someone's saying "No". The draft was pure evil because it never gave people that choice. It was as complete a violation of Americans' Constitutional liberty as slavery; and it was, of course, brought to us by that wonderful progressive Woodrow Wilson. The draft gave cover to the American Left (the only thing they got right about the war was the draft; about everything else they were complete fools - and still are); and it ended up dishonoring those of us who volunteered more than anyone. When Lincoln foolishly gave in to his advisers and initiated the Civil War draft, the loudest complaint was from the serving soldiers in the Union Army; the draftees were largely useless as soldiers and their presence was seen as an insult to everyone who wore the uniform. How can you fight in the name of liberty and have a military based on conscription?
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing about this Bruce.
ReplyDelete